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In Hayle, Cornwall

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brown and white snake

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Nourishment is so multifaceted. It’s all that we take in, what we see, hear, taste and touch… it’s how we’re touched physically, mentally and emotionally…. It’s in our ability to respond to our needs here and now… for hydration and food, for rest and movement, for self expression, creativity and for support. It’s finding the voice to ask for help when you need it, or to ask for space.

And just for today I’m going to be kind. I’m going to go for a walk. Maybe a swim? I might read some more of my book, maybe take a bath. I might watch something heart warming on tv… and I’m going to cherish the company of my family for the weekend before we think about the return to structure and scheduling next week.

Loneliness creeps in like invisible fog that circles around my feet, dislodging me silently and gently from the ground I stand on. She enshrouds me so slowly and stealthily in her cold embrace that I barely notice she’s there, so that there is an unseen veil between me and you. You’re right there with me, warm, kind, and loving but loneliness separates us and I can’t reach you. loneliness has found a home in me for most of my adult life. The times I feel it least are when I’m on my own. Crowds and Christmas make me feel it so intensely that I can hardly bear myself, although I didn’t know what it was until now.

I don’t often go to church… but this morning I woke up in a funk. I was grumpy, tetchy, irritable and unkind. I sat in my bed wondering what I was here for. What it all means and why it all feels so hard sometimes. I couldn’t even cry. Then I heard the church bells ring. I barely thought twice, except for noticing how unwashed my hair was… so I put on a hat (once I’d got dressed) and ran to church… I ran across my neighbours’ field and past the ponies… the ponies who live outside all winter, through rain and snow and wind and hail. They’re the most resilient beings I’ve ever met I think… I arrived in our church… st felicity (the patron saint of healing) it’s been there since the 12th century. I arrived with the 4 other members of the congregation and sat down and almost immediately cried. I cried because I felt at home. I cried because I felt enveloped in something much bigger than me, I remembered my faith. Annette, one of the readers said ‘finding the courage to live through it all, whatever it is, is why we’re here’ and I remembered myself again. Just presence, curiously witnessing it all. Finding the courage to feel it all rather than opting out, rather than deep sleep, denial, self medication and furiously trying to control it all. I remembered that I’m finding the courage to live through it… with love. Walking home was peaceful and fulfilled. I stopped to watch the ponies, in awe of their gentle courage. I remembered a little of my own. I feel more peaceful now, I still need to wash my hair though… #simplethings #courage #faith #wisdom #church #healing #words #sundayvibes #yoga #resilience #wakeup #livethroughit #phillack #cornwallcoastalpath #meditation #spirituallessons

Oh man it’s a tough gig right now… 😰at the best of times we wonder if we’re on the right path / doing the right thing / worrying about the cost of the space and the number of people who may or may not show up. Yoga world problems maybe, but real nonetheless.

When your expectations and your reality do not match up, the dissonance created can be at best uncomfortable, and at worst unbearable. The feeling is real and requires acknowledgment, curious awareness and nurture.

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